Today I realized that falling in-love with a person or a business venture is easy; staying in love is hard work! This is illustrated in the charts below.
Source: http://smallbiztrends.com/
This made me wonder - can we apply marriage advice to the start-up world?
You can't change people. Pick partners for your start-up that are in it for the long haul and that you can tolerate. Whatever small annoyances you have in the beginning will be amplified over time. Do a values check to ensure that you and your partners have the same agreement about what is important in life.
Don't argue about money because when the argument is over, you are still broke. When you get married, you want to nest in the most beautiful plush house you can afford. Similarly, in start-ups, you want the hip office to meet and greet your customers and the talented employees to help you grow your venture. Spending beyond your means in both marriage and start-ups will cause fights. Who is going to pay the bills when there is not enough money coming in? The lesson for both worlds is the same: early in your relationship, keep your fixed costs low.
Decide if it is really important to do things your way - because it may just mean that you end up doing the task forever. There are only so many hours in a day, and if your precious time is spent doing something because it had to be done your way, you may be spending your time on the wrong stuff. Choose your battles and decide if having your vision carried out in every facet of the business is truly important to reach your long term objectives.
Ask for what you want - nicely and timely. In my marriage, the hardest thing is to admit that I need help. I am an independent spirit - I want to do it all myself. But sometimes, my plate is too full, and I have to ask for help. Asking for what we want in both the workplace and at home takes courage and trust. Don't wait until there is a catastrophe to ask for help - communicate your needs nicely. These traits go a long way in both marriage and start-ups.
You get what you give. When you give better, you get better. You have to remember why you are in the business. Recount those first days or weeks when the idea for your business came to be, and bring that passion to your work every day. In marriage and work, when I feel unappreciated I ask what I have done. Oftentimes, I am the one that is tuned out, disconnected or not doing enough of my part. Take your business partners out to lunch or ask what you can do to make their lives easier. It is not all about "What's in it for me?"
Know your Partner's buttons and choose not to push them. Mutual respect is so important in all areas of our lives. When you work closely with someone, you learn all their strengths and weaknesses. That does not give you the right to manipulate them to get what you want.
Make sure you set aside time to just talk. Date nights are such an important part of my married life. If all we do is make dinner, fold laundry and taxi kids to soccer, we never have any real together time. All our memories of our time together become task oriented. It is our duty to make memories together. In business, if you spend every day together working towards a specific goal, make time to really connect. The work must be balanced with rewards - the more you play together, the less work will feel like work.
Laugh. If you are not having a good time, and the people you surround yourself with cannot bring a smile to your face, you might want to reevaluate your current surroundings. Smile more. Have fun. My marriage is strong because we are able to laugh together. Sure - we can be serious when we have to, but laughter is the best medicine. Follow Ralph Waldo Emerson's advice, "Laugh often and much."
My hunch is that businesses fail for the same reasons that marriages fail. You need to keep a shared vision of what the future looks like, so all your hard work is for a common goal. You need to have fun along the way. And when the relationship is new, you need to keep your fixed costs low.
Sources:
The list of marriage ideas were inspired by the following lists:
- http://www.happywivesclub.com/top-10-marriage-advice-that-really-works/
- http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/53
- http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/5-secrets-to-living-happily-ever-after?page=2
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